So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Houston, we have a squirter
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
