How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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