My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
why do cheetos always look like penises
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
