Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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