I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm too high and old for this...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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