Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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