I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
