I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
how drunk are you?
Several
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize