So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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