Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
