Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
