the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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