My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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