I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
