What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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