I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
