I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Found the puke drawer
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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