I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
