There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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