I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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