Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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