I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
