I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
