the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
