I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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