Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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