Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
