Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
