ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
