He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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