i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
