Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
