Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
