If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
