I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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