Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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