I must be too annoying 4 u.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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