Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
