I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
