You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
