Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We are two peas in an std pod
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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