I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
