That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize