she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
