just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
