Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
it's great music for shaving your balls
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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