So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
