I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
