Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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