my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
