The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
