come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
even my farts smell like vagina
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
