I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
