Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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