Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
