okay pat passed out under dana's car
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize