This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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