btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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