My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
