I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize