also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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