From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
