I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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