It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
