There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
