508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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