i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
