She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
