At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
