I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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