you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
