grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
